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October 12, 2010 / scherstuhl

Doe-eyed Highland Park Jesus Offers Peace, Understanding, and Your Weekly Crap Round Up

 

As with Drew Barrymore's in "Firestarter," strands of J.C.'s hair lick up around his temples when He's about to do something magic

 

As a giant-handed Jesus mural blessed with a peace-sign Blingee and an over-easy halo, I am of course omniscient. I see past, I see future, and I even see the people who joke that the thick line down my nose and my uncertain proportions make me look a bit like a Mad fold-in.

I’m not some square public-art Jesus like that blocky disaster Christ of the Ozarks, in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. With his giant head, stumpy body, and overall appearance of cheap plasticity, that dude looks like a holy Pez Dispenser.

He’s omniscient, too, but seeing everything doesn’t mean He actually looks. Me, I got these big doe eyes of Mine from a decade or so of dedicated blogreading. Like the book about me says, millenia are just a twinkling in my eyes, but blogreading, man — that jacks up my peepers real Precious Moments style.

Anywho, this week My big doe-eyed Jesus blogroll buddy is Alan Scherstuhl (pictured.) He managed to write two whole Studies in Crap posts this week without once making fun of the folks who write insane stuff in My name, so he gets big props for that.

There’s this, at the Pitch and the Village Voice, about a terrible guide to terrible marriages, including photos that made these eyes of mine puddle up with laugh-tears, which is how we get fog.

And there’s this, at the LA Weekly, about a 1970’s guide to dating called “America’s Best Pick Up Spots!”

Also, the Weekly ran this thing about people acting the fool at the bus stop. The guy who was being hassled took my name in vain. At that I cried tear-tears, which is how we get death fog, like that purple stuff in The Ten Commandments.

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